Wow. You have a gift, and I don't say that to mean that all the hard work you put in to write like you do didn't mean anything, I say it to mean that you somehow can express the pain I and others have felt and could only describe to ourselves.
You have been on a journey, and are still on it. You are getting stronger and lighter. Your words can touch the dark places and pull out the pain that has been stuck.
I hope writing this way helps you like it does me.
Your words are precious. Thank you for sharing!