The Secret Life of an Emotional Robot

Is there something wrong with us?

Do you know what it’s like to be a seething mass of feelings and emotions on the inside, but a blank, callous robot out? Do you know what it’s like for everyone to think you are hard-hearted and cruel because your face shows no passion, no sensitivity?

I do. And I’m not the only one.

Did you stop showing emotion because doctors medicated everything away? Or is it because you feel so much already and you don’t want to scare people by keeping your face an open wound? Are you tired of society and everything it expects from us?

For me, it’s all three.

It’s easier for us to keep our face a mask. It’s a simple matter to turn off the receptors that trigger the muscles above our eyes and around our mouth. It’s better for people to think we are machines, then see the mass of unbridled emotion that tries to swamp us every day.

Most people hate others who show too much emotion.

Why do you think, when asking how we are doing, they only want to hear “I’m fine?” To say anything else would be an imposition and a breach of custom.

It’s easier to wear a blank expression and walk around like nothing affects us.

What does society want?

The same people who object to a man showing emotion, hate when a woman stands up for herself in a difficult situation. Men aren’t supposed to cry or smile. Look at the ads we see every day. Look at the most-liked pictures of men on Instagram.

Men frown. Men look away from the camera with a steely-eyed glare.

Women should be demure. They can show emotion, but they aren’t allowed to trample on anything that men have claimed for themselves.

Screw that. It’s easier to show nothing at all.

Look at the media

Some of this is our fault. Look at what we consume on the internet, television, in movies, or books. We accept others’ ideal of what a man and woman should be without question. Every man should go through adversity with a Vin Diesel look on their face. Women can complain and fall apart like a Kardashian as long as they stay out of the board room.

A strong female congresswoman? Let’s smear her name in the mud and call her a stupid, silly bitch because she doesn’t fit the mold.

You make us sick!

We are sick of your attitudes! We don’t want your box or label! We choose not to react anymore because it’s too painful to try to be what everyone else wants us to be.

Too much negativity

Most of all, we can’t stand the negativity. We hate the political trolls, the sexist pigs, the misogynists, the mansplainers, and the know-it-all’s who think they are better than us.

We despise seeing you vomit your vitriol all over our Facebook feed and our tweets. We don’t want to see your smug, pig faces on TV trying to convince us of something we know is bullshit.

We wear this mask because we don’t want to be like you, and we don’t want to be what you want us to be.

Call it a protest, if you will.

We will no longer react to you because we know it’s what you want. We aren’t going to validate your position anymore with our anger and outrage. You don’t deserve a reaction from us any longer.

So don’t ask.

The winds of change

We’ve lost people in our lives because we weren’t able to give them what they wanted from us. We’ve lost families, spouses, and significant others.

For some of us, cracks are starting to appear. A smile here, a tear there — emotion is starting to spill out. It’s hard to be unemotional for too long.

Some of us have people in our lives that do deserve emotion, so we open the faucet just for them. We are sick of society, but not the people we keep close to us. If you see us as robots, you don’t matter enough to deserve any feeling from our hearts.

If you are lucky enough to receive love from someone everyone else thinks is an unfeeling golem, consider yourself fortunate. You are so worthy that we choose to drop the mask for you. You receive a love pure and untainted by the pool of shit that most people swim in.

We will continue to be robots until we find the worthy people who won’t throw away the gifts we give them.

Inside, we are full of swirling emotions. We feel everything so strongly that we can’t allow our faces to show how we really feel. We know if society found out what we were, they would use our raw emotion against us.

If you know a robot, show them love. They will find you worthy and return the love in time.

You just have to be patient.

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Jason Weiland is a writer, blogger, vlogger, and mental health advocate living a dream life in far-away destinations he only dreamed of as a kid. He talks about difficult issues but has never lost his sense of humor or willingness to understand others and help when he can.

He would love to connect with you on social media.

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Introverted essayist and creator- I am doing it my way and it might take a bit longer. Don't wait up! https://jasonjamesweiland.com

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