Are you waiting for someone to come along and fix everything that’s wrong with your life? Are you putting aside happiness because you think another person will make you whole?
Are you afraid to do something to make your life better because you think you will fail?
I was always looking for someone to come along and save me. I thought if my life needed to be fixed, a hero would come along and do it for me. I learned from a very young age I shouldn’t rely on myself.
It wasn’t until I figured out that I was the dashing protagonist of my story that my life changed for the better.
For my whole childhood, I hoped for a better world
When I was young I knew I shouldn’t do anything to improve myself. I should only ever do something if it glorifies God. I knew I shouldn’t focus on school because I would never go to college. College was selfish because it was time wasted that I could be spending preaching about God’s new system of things.
I would never be successful and have a good job. I would do whatever I had to do to support myself, but my time should be used for the preaching work. I didn’t need anything for myself, because if I was patient enough, God would give me everything one day.
Don’t feel bad about me - I saw the truth eventually.
Until I finally started thinking for myself, I spent my days waiting for someone better to come along. I didn’t think for myself, because that’s not what good Christians do.
I’m not trying to place the blame for my life on how I was raised, but the state of my childhood mind was one of the huge reasons I turned out to be the way I am.
Hoping for someone else
As I got older, even though I started thinking for myself more, I still expected someone to come along and change my life.
At first, I thought it was my wife, but I realized I clung to her for the wrong reasons. She would never be the one to save me because she was waiting for me to do something.
I never did.
We spent 18 years waiting for the other person to make life better, but neither of us could do anything to help. Throughout my first marriage, I looked to others to make changes — friends, lovers, family. I was always disappointed and continually looking for the next person to come along.
No one could change me. They couldn’t do it if I wasn’t willing to change myself.
My first marriage ended for many reasons — mental illness, infidelity, lies — but the biggest was disappointment. We were both disappointed because we were waiting for the other to change both of us.
Doing it for myself
As my 40’s rolled around, I realized if I wanted my life to be different, I’d have to change it. I had to be my own hero. That meant accepting my faults and changing who I was inside. I’d spent many years hating who I was as a person, so this was a stretch for me.
It took time and effort. I can’t begin to explain how hard it was to be the person I needed to be. I had to develop confidence and an unshakable belief that I could do whatever it took to make my life better. I had to improve my mental health and change my propensity for negative thought.
Yes, I had to be positive. I know you don’t want to hear that because so many people these days tell you that all you have to do is think positive. But, for me, it was necessary because my dark thoughts were poisoning my mind and keeping me from doing the things I needed to create change.
After I acquired a positive outlook, I had to take drastic action. I had to improve every day and move toward the goal of a better life. I haven’t stopped working since then to make my life worthwhile. I’ve hit some speed bumps, but I’ve always put one foot in front of the other on the way down the path.
There was no one thing that I did to get where I am today. It was a combination of hundreds of moving parts. At times it felt like I was juggling, but I did what I had to do.
It all paid off.
What can you do to be your own hero?
First, change the way you think. Stop waiting around for someone or something to do it for you. Stop praying for good things to happen, because the only way they will is if you have faith in yourself.
Change the way you think, then take action. Step on the path and start putting one foot in front of the other. Pick a goal and keep moving towards it. Never take your eyes off the prize, because if you fall back and start looking at someone else for help, you’ll lose everything.
Remain positive but be realistic. Life is not all about rainbows and butterflies, and neither is it completely dark. Keep yourself balanced in everything. Most people try to lean more one way or the other. Some of us are too positive and try to shut out all the darkness. Some of us have a terrible attitude and look for the negative in everything.
Balance is key.
Then, when life throws you a curveball, step up, and do what you must do. Be the first on the scene. When you are looking for a solution, put yourself at the top of the list.
Yes, I know I’m starting to sound like an old self-help book that you find on the shelf of Goodwill, but this stuff really works! I’m not blowing glitter up your ass, I’ve actually followed these exact steps and changed my life!
Is my life perfect? No, but I’m on the path. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I will get where I want to be.
The payoff is unimaginable. If you believe in yourself, and come to your own rescue, you will stop one day and look around to find that you’ve arrived.
You’ll find yourself happy and fulfilled, and you won’t have to wonder how you got there.
You did it for yourself.
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Jason Weiland is a writer, blogger, vlogger, and mental health advocate living a dream life in far-away destinations he only dreamed of as a kid. He talks about difficult issues but has never lost his sense of humor or willingness to understand others and help when he can.
He would love to connect with you on social media.