A few months ago, well along into my Medium journey, I made the mistake of writing a very detailed and graphic essay about my lifetime aversion to sex. Bottom line — I’m not asexual, but you could say I’m close. After I published, I sat at my laptop refreshing my stats and waited for the fans to roll in.
I mean, come on — weren’t there a ton of other writers getting a lot of fans and applause from writing about activities that we only used to discuss behind closed doors?
I waited for a long time, but nothing happened. I could hear the crickets chirping in the distance as I hit the refresh key over and over.
Click. Click. Click. Squuuuuuuuueeeeeee. Click. Squee. Click.
Guess what I ended up with a week later? No one liked it. There were a few views and even fewer reads, but no one appreciated my story enough to clap even once.
Why? What was different in my essay from what the other writers were publishing? What was the main difference?
The stories I saw were all written by women.
Now if I was one of those freaking incels, I might have gotten upset. I mean, aren’t I entitled to get as many if not more fans from an essay about sex as a woman? I mean, until a few years ago men did whatever they wanted and got away with everything. Then the feminists came along and started burning bras and growing hair all over their bodies. What’s with all that protesting about equal rights and glass ceilings and whatnot?
Seriously, I kid, but I know plenty of men and women who still think that way. Come on — it’s almost 2020, and women still have to fight to be treated the same as another human. No, they don’t want more rights than men, and they don’t want to take yours away from you.
I’ve heard it said that equality is not pie, and I agree!
#MeToo should have taught us something
I’m not sexist, and I don’t believe I’m somehow better than someone else because of my gender. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else based on any factors I can think of at all.
I’m even a bigger fan of equity — even more so than equality. Equity is when you give everyone what they need to achieve a certain level of what society considers success. I do believe people should have the right tools to get where they need to be to have a satisfying life.
With that said, if I’m not a misogynistic jerk, then I shouldn’t be upset that a story about my dysfunctional sex life bombed?
True. I got over it.
I know not every word I write will be well-received. Not every hit is a home-run. And if my story sucked because no one wants to hear a man talk about sex, I’m fine with that. I am very aware that men have been behaving badly for a long, long time.
I haven’t always been the most standup guy myself.
If women don’t want to hear about sex from a man, I’m alright with that. I have plenty of other topics to tackle. Why would anyone get upset about the success of someone else?
Men need to realize that women have been on the shitty end of the stick for too long, and if they are finally getting what they desire in life, more power to them!
Why are men so sensitive?
If you don’t think that men are big babies than you probably also thought this was okay:
Is this behavior acceptable? Women stand up for themselves because they were victims and it’s okay that these men reacted with anger, blaming, and blubbering? They are essentially saying, “I’m the victim here!” All a sudden their lives are ruined because a woman dares accuse a man of misconduct?
I am disgusted. I’ve been somewhat silent about this whole issue in the past, content to let women have their say for once. I didn’t want to sully the conversation by adding my commentary.
But, you know what? I know women are expecting “good” men to stand up and say something to the “other” men. We should be calling out toxic masculinity whenever we see it. We should be holding the other men we know accountable for their actions.
Men and women are in this together. Remember, equity!
The time for silence is past
I know a lot of men, myself included, haven’t said anything for fear of being lumped in with the “bad” seed. We’ve seen the backlash against the men who proclaim #NotAllMen.
Not all men are abusers, but all men have allowed this behavior to happen — myself included.
I know you guys are going to be pissed with me. Some of you are going to say you want to revoke my “man card” (whatever the heck that is), but I am making a stand that it’s time for men to stop enabling this kind of behavior and turning our faces the other way.
How do I know that men aren’t where we need to be when it comes to supporting women? How many of you had a hissy-fit because of this ad?
I mean, I don’t believe that huge corporations should be lecturing us about morality, but if not them, who? Who would you accept?
Men, it’s time! It’s time we stopped being shitty to women. It’s time to stop making excuses for terrible men. It’s time to stop getting hurt when women talk about how they’ve always been treated. It’s time we stopped crying #NotAllMen because all of us have made this world a scary place to be a woman.
Complain of unfairness all you want, but it’s not going to make everything I said any less true.
Just stop being men and start being human.
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Jason Weiland is a writer, blogger, freelancer, and mental health advocate living a dream life in a place he only dreamed of as a kid. He talks about difficult issues but has never lost his sense of humor or willingness to understand others and help when he can.
He would love to connect with you on social media.