Reading your story brought me back to my own.
I left “the truth” at 18 and even though i was baptized, was never disfellowshipped. I hid from my past and never put myself in a position to be in contact with them. My parents, although devout, never turned me in.
I went back for a short time, but could never get the bad taste out of my mouth. It was the lies.
I live in the Philippines now. Even though there are witnesses here, I ignore them. I don’t know if I’ve been disfellowshipped for apostasy. I don’t care.
My parents haven’t shunned me, but they don’t make an effort to talk to me. I know why without them saying. I feel bad they are trapped by lies but they wouldn’t have it any other way. The witnesses are the only life they’ve known.
I am free. In my mind I am free. That is the best thing ever.