My Wife Has More Empathy Than I Do

Sometimes it takes someone you love to change you

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Generally, I am an easy-going guy. I rarely complain, and I don’t really hate anyone. But there are times when the ugly comes out, and I can genuinely be hateful. Those times, I am not proud of the person I am, but my anger and bitterness won’t let me change my position.

I hate selfish and rude drivers, but at times, I am both. If you are driving like an asshole and weaving in and out of traffic, I will specifically speed up to block you in. I am intimidating enough that people won’t do much about it. I hate people who cut you off and endanger you and your kids with their driving. I get so angry sometimes I cuss.

My wife, on the other hand, try to give people the benefit of the doubt. When I get angry, she usually says something like, “Maybe they have to poop!” and I immediately feel bad for overreacting. She is always one to stick up for the cab and jeepney drivers. “They are only trying to earn a living!” she scolds me, and I am embarrassed for acting like a boob.

The other thing we are at odds about is anti-vaxxers. I hate them, and nothing you can tell me will change my mind. Someone who will go out of their way not to get a vaccine that could protect others is beyond me. Someone who won’t wear a mask when children and immunocompromised people try to stay alive is evil. If someone won’t look out for their fellow man and woman and denies there even is a virus, they should get no concessions. If they get the virus, they should stay at home and fight with essential oils and their piss. They should not be allowed a hospital with ventilators.

I have no patience for selfish people when there are people who could die from their stupidity.

My wife has several friends who are anti-vaxxers. When I get on a rant, she is quick to tell me that I need to have empathy for people who think differently than I do. She says it is everyone’s right to decide whether they do or do not want a vaccine. I asked her how she would feel if we had a daughter with an impaired immune system. She cannot wear a mask or get the vaccine herself. She must go to the hospital for pneumonia, and an anti-vaxxer comes in, sick and maskless, breathing and getting their fluids everywhere. Because of the anti-vaxxer, the doctors are all compromised, and our daughter gets covid and dies. How would you feel about the anti-vaxxer now?

Surprisingly, she still defends the person’s right to choose, and as much as I don’t respect those people, I do respect my wife, and it has me thinking that I am a real asshole. Who am I to judge a whole group of people for something they believe with every fiber of their being? What if I put my feet in their shoes? What if I didn’t believe in vaccines, for whatever reasons, and I felt so strongly about it that I would go against everyone who was trying to get me to change my mind?

I am fucking stubborn. If I felt it was part of the plan of “the man” and big pharma to make me take the vaccine, only to keep the population sick, I would be the biggest asshole in defending my right to choose. In fact, in everything else, I assert my right to choose in every other part of my thinking.

Why can’t I give the benefit of the doubt to people who feel strongly enough about something that they will lose their family and friends for it?

I still cannot abide people who are so smug in their thinking and refuse to wear masks and cough on people who feel differently, but I think now, with my wife’s help, that I understand the anti-vaxxer a little better.

When my wife and I argue, we fight at times. She can be a hateful person to me, as I can be to her. But I am finding out that my dear wife, who I love with every fiber of my being, who is my constant obsession, has a hell of a lot more empathy for other people than I do.

Maybe it’s because I am a product of the U.S.A., and part of me is as bad as others. Part of me is stubborn and entitled. Part of me is the biggest asshole who walks this earth.

This is a massive lesson for me as I try to be a better man. Who am I to judge other people? Am I so entitled that I believe I am better than others because I got a shot? Do I think I am smarter than everyone else because I follow the government’s advice in this? I don’t follow the direction of the government in anything else. I am a rebel, a liberal, a protestor, and an activist. How can I be better than someone else who believes differently than I do?

The trick is to turn this into every part of my life. How do I feel about the conservatives, the right-wingers, the Trumpers? Do I have empathy for them as well, even though they go out of their way to be hateful, pass legislation that takes away my freedoms, and seeks to have control over women’s bodies? Do I have empathy for racists, fascists, for white supremacists?

Is there a case where empathy does not apply to another group of people because they are hateful and evil? Do I think I am better than they are because I believe differently?

Right now, I do. I am not racist or fascist; I am white but do not believe in white supremacy. I believe Black Lives Matter and women should have the right to choose. I believe religion is a sham, a huge brainwashing operation, and anything wrong in this world can somehow be tied to it.

Yes, I believe conservatives and right-wingers are idiots, but I can also see a place in my heart for a little more empathy. Maybe my wife is a good influence on me.

Maybe I am becoming a better human?