Karma is a Lie — What Changed My Mind?

I’m allowed to change my mind. Just because I have believed something in the past, it doesn’t mean I can’t advocate against it now.

Jason Weiland

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Photo by Photoholgic on Unsplash

I’m a thinker. I spend most of my waking hours ruminating over one topic or another and often toss and turn at night, dreaming about the same.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about the unfairness of life and how there is no inherent justice — people who are truly kind and giving can suffer diseases and starvation, while the ugliest-hearted people in the world, from the worst parts of the underbelly of society, can thrive and prosper.

I used to believe wonderful things would happen if you were a “good” person. I didn’t believe in doing good things with the hope of a reward, but understood that if I was kind and generous, was a valuable member of society, gave of myself and my limited means, and lived a life based on my definition of moral character; I would magically get a realistically fulfilling life.

I’d seen it first hand. For the past decade, I’ve spent most of my time becoming a better version of myself. I’ve battled with a mental illness and learned to come to terms with the rapid cycling and rollercoaster moods.

I’ve worked not to be judgemental and give people a chance before I toss them aside as trash.

I’ve worked hard to improve every day, even a tiny bit, and although there have been significant setbacks and roadblocks, I always strive to move forward.

Because of all that, I felt like the universe or whoever is in charge of handing out the good stuff, was smiling on me and allowing me to experience a small amount of joy. I wasn’t getting rich, but I had the chance to earn a living with minimal interference from my sinister illness. I wasn’t getting famous, but the right people were getting to know me.

I wasn’t happy, but I got to experience some measure of fulfillment because of my family and the people in my life who I loved.

How could I not see that someone was handing me blessings every day? Wasn’t it time I started being grateful for the life I had?

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Jason Weiland

Personal essays and articles from a guy who never tires of writing about his life - jasonweiland.substack.com