Is It Right to Leave Your Partner or Cheat If They Don’t Satisfy You Sexually?
Inquiring minds want to know
--
My wife and I have great communication. We talk about everything and anything. We also happen to have an excellent sex life — I mean, we would love to do it more, but with an autistic toddler, a nosey 10-year-old, and a tiny house, it’s just not possible to find the time to make love as often as we want to. We try, but it usually only happens once a week when the kids are at the grandparent's house.
The great thing is, when we do have sex, it is mind-blowing and well worth the wait. Over the years, because we tell each other what we like and don’t, we have learned how to push each other’s buttons, and the result is earth-
shattering.
We have a wonderful marriage in part because we communicate our needs and we are not selfish when it comes to sex.
But it wasn’t always like this for me. I spent 20 years in my first marriage, where we never talked and the sex was boring if we did it at all. When I met Flora, I made the same mistakes that doomed my first marriage, until one day, we just started telling each other what we wanted. After that, we couldn’t stop ourselves from telling our deepest desires, and it was a wild
ride.
Now, there are a few things you should know. My wife is 18 years younger, thus, she has the needs of a much younger person than I. And, because of the medication I take, and just my disposition in general, I don’t crave for sex all that often. My wife has had to learn not to leave the first move up to me because if she did, we would never do it, I just don’t have the desire. I don’t think about it.
It’s not until she brings it up, or flirts with me a bit that I get any desire at all. Then, it’s on!
But what if my second marriage was much like the first and we never did it and when we did, it was as vanilla as ice cream? Is there ever a situation where cheating or leaving your partner is justified? What about in my wife’s case, where her partner most times could care less about making love?
The wife actually brought this up, because of a discussion we had with a close friend. I was sitting on the couch, scrolling, when she asked if I thought it was right for a person to leave their partner if they did not satisfy them sexually. If they had no interest, didn’t ever make an effort, and made it clear that they didn’t like or want sex.
My first wife and I never talked about our sex life, but maybe if we had, we would have stayed together. She ended up finding someone who fulfilled her sexually, but maybe if I knew what she wanted in the first place, I could have filled those needs.
Flora and I have learned that it takes both of us, and we have to make an effort. Even if we are so busy we don’t have time to scratch our butts, we have to make time for each other, show affection, let one another know they are desirable , and actually tell one another that we want to make love.
It is difficult because we both work from home, the kids are here, and our house is so small, that when I nibble on Flora's neck, the kids see everything. Finding the time and the proper privacy to do the deed has been an ongoing issue. Right now, we are just waiting for the toddler to grow up so we can have more “alone time.”
So is there ever a case where it would be right to leave your partner because of sex?
I couldn’t answer, because I can see both sides. On one hand, if you marry someone, you make a commitment to stay with them through thick and thin. You made a promise that should not be broken.
On the other hand, I know what it’s like to be in a loveless and sexless marriage. In my immaturity, I ended up cheating, which in some cases is worse than leaving, but now that I am older and wiser, and married again, I cannot fathom ever cheating or leaving. I just have never thought about either seriously. I have grown as a person and am very different than I was back then.
I imagine early in our marriage, Flora thought many times about leaving, because as I said, I was on a lot of medication, and I never asked for sex. She has needs like everyone else, so I can guess she thought about what it would be like to be with someone who valued her. Lucky for me, I smartened up and started being open and honest.
Life is so much better now, and I get to experience having mind-blowing sex as often as she or I want.
So I can see both sides. But still, and maybe it’s because I am happy and fulfilled, I cannot argue that it is ever right to betray your mate over sex. Would I feel different if I never started telling my wife what I wanted in bed, and she stopped making an effort? Would it matter if she never again asked for sex because she was so frustrated, and I never took the time to ask what she desired?
Maybe.
So, I have to ask the reader, what do you think? Will it ever be right to cheat or leave your partner if they don’t satisfy your needs and fulfill your desires? What if they never make an effort and have made it clear they want nothing from you?
Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
