I Don’t Know What to Do with My Life at 55, But At Least I got an Apple Watch
I’m confused
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I get that my life wasn’t normal, what with the whole mental illness thing and being raised in a super religious household, but shouldn’t I know what I want to do with my life at almost 55 years old? I mean, hell, I just dumped my computer science major, after promising myself and everyone else that this is what I finally wanted to do. I finally had it all figured out.
Right?
I was going to be this famous futurist who wrote about AI and did TED talks worldwide. All I had to do was take 10 years of computer science. But somewhere along the way I took a detour and decided I was going to go back to work after I got my BS degree. All I had to do was learn Python, JavaScript, React, SQL, Django, PHP, and a whole bunch of other technologies. I would have to get good enough to pass a bunch of hiring tests and after that, I could get a job at some soul-sucking tech giant and make $200k per year.
That money was looking nice. Going back to work at 55 didn’t.
Then, 6 weeks into my first Python class at college, and several weeks into learning JavaScript with a Coursera course and I realized I fucking hate programming. Not dislike. Hate. Then I saw that next term I would be learning App development with Java and taking calculus. Fucking CALCULUS!
I was not ready for that.
The worse thing was that because I had been spending so much time programming, I hadn’t even written for a month — my passion! I wrote something right away and felt better. Now I have 2 weeks left of Python to keep my 4.0, and I have to write an interactive text-based game to keep my GPA up.
I’m going to do it, but I won’t like it.
Then I started thinking — what do I love? Writing, of course, but what else? Besides technology, what do I write about? Well. I like to help people, so I write about mental illness. I talk to people about mental illness. I have so much experience. There was a time I was going to be a therapist, but I worried that hearing other people’s problems all the time would send me into a spiral.
But it seems that I am always helping people with emotions and anxiety, depression, and life. My wife, my friends, people on Facebook. I am always giving advice and I am always writing about mental health.
Why don’t I switch over to psychology?
It is something I have a great interest in because it affects my life personally. What if I could help my wife and my friends? What if instead of just speaking from experience, I had a master's and doctorate in psychology? What if I was a therapist or counselor?
Instead of spending 10 years learning programming, what if I learned something that could help someone else?
So, at almost 55, I am switching to psychology with a concentration on mental health. One nice thing is that the psychology major takes all my credits and I only have 15 classes left to graduate. Then, on to my graduate degree. Then. Dr. Weiland. I can be a therapist, a life coach, or a counselor, which are desperately needed in the Philippines.
Sure, I can make a hell of a lot more money programming at a Facebook or Google, but I’ve gone this long without money. Will all that money make me happy if I am miserable doing the work? If I am making some other company rich? If I am climbing the corporate ladder?
I can still be a futurist and write about technology. I can even write about mental health and technology and how AI and tech with be the driver of many of the future treatments and cures for various mental illnesses. What good is AI superintelligence if you can’t use it to cure depression?
15 classes until my undergrad graduation. That is a whole year and a half less than the computer science degree. I can finally move on to my graduate degree.
Oh, and I got an Apple watch. The wife and I decided all those cool apps you can use with it to monitor my heart were worth the price tag. I am finding more uses for it every day. I am going to also use it to monitor my walks and sleep. It is cool to play with. I am firmly entrenched in the Apple ecosystem. I have a MacBook Air, iPhone 11, Apple Watch 8, and iPad 7, and now I just need the Air pods and that cool new $4k VR headset and I will be a happy man.
But that is all nice as a distraction, I just hope that I finally found a home in psychology. I’ve been through 10 different majors, and I am tired. I know I keep jumping around because I am an autistic multipotentialite, but I finally just want to stick with something and be happy.
I hope mental health can do that for me.
