I Don’t Know What to Do

And I am getting ready to change my path again

Photo by Jerry Wang on Unsplash

It was inevitable, it seems, that I would start second-guessing my decision to break into data analytics. It took longer than I thought but I was not thinking of myself when I made the final decision.

You see, if I continue to explore data science, or even frontend development (which was something I was going to do in addition to data), I will end up moving back to the U.S.A. I am intelligent but nowhere near as bright as I would need to be to compete for jobs in Asia, with kids half my age who are driven and willing to work for much less than I would.

I would have been back in the States, and frankly, there is nothing I want less. I see what y’all are doing to the country, and I want no part of it. You guys can’t even wear a mask (you know who you are) when peoples’ lives are in danger. I left there 11 years ago and made a home for myself, never to move back. Sure, I’ll visit, but as soon as I get tired of your rude, entitled asses, I am gone.

Trump will be President again anyway (or dictator), and I want no part of that.

Sure, I could go to Canada, but I like my home in Asia…

I started talking to my friend Mikey, who just took a great job next year teaching English in China, and started thinking about my experiences with teaching. I used to teach English but didn’t have a degree, so online was the best I could do. I loved teaching, but not one-on-one, online.

I taught an art class for my son’s class one year, and it was great working with kids. I think I would be a great teacher.

So, it wouldn’t be a stretch for me to say I could teach in China as well — once I had the degree. I could spend the school year teaching abroad in Japan, China, or even a little farther away in Dubai and keep my home base in the Philippines. I could keep my house, my life.

But, as I said, the main reason I want to change tracks and become a teacher instead of a data scientist or web developer has to do with someone else and our financial security.

You see, the wife and I have been having discussions, heated at times, and one of her main points is that she has no security with me. You see, we mostly live off social security because of my illness, but with SSDI, you are always in constant fear that the government will come along to take it all away. They have done it to me before, twice.

So while we have a place to live, a car to drive, food, clothes, and computers, we don’t have one thing: security.

I have only recently felt able to work as my depression and anxiety have been muted. I’ve been competent and motivated in school the past few months, and for the first time in 20 years, I feel able to work like a “normal” person. So I think I finally can give my family the security that has been lacking.

My wife works full-time and does well for herself, so I have no doubt she would help me if I lost social security after I got a job. We would be okay, especially if I could stay in this area.

China is very close, and I wouldn’t feel as if I were in another world away from my family, but if I had to go to the U.S. and take on all that added expense of a place to live and everything that goes with it, we couldn’t be financially secure.

So, it almost seems like a no-brainer that I switch my degree to B.A. in English and get my M.A. in English as well. I could teach next year while I am getting my graduate degree.

I feel a little bad that I keep changing my program, but it’s probably not that much extra work for the college. It won’t matter for my classes because I am still finishing up my last few prerequisites before getting my meaty courses.

Besides, I love English, writing, and literature, which I will be studying. And I think I can finish my B.A. this year, so I can go to the U.S. and graduate before I take off for China.

Yes, another change for the multipotentialite generalist, another win for those who said I wouldn’t stick with my Data Science choice for very long. Being general in my degree is a better choice since it leaves me open to pursuing whatever I want in the future.

The only thing I am ever sure of is that I will always be a writer. Writing fuels my spirit and motivates me to be a better person. I guess I will always be a lost writer looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Join me, won’t you?

Do you want to support me and my writing? Become a Medium member and enjoy the benefits of ad-free content.