I Am Fat Again — 285 Pounds is Too Much

Even a beast needs to lose weight sometimes

Ten years ago, I arrived in the Philippines weighing 320 lbs. I’d just lost 40 pounds in the months before I came, so, before that time, I was around 360 lbs. All the years of overeating and taking medication had blown me up like a balloon.

My body was too heavy, and in combination with the heat and humidity, I was super-miserable. The clothing in my suitcase was too dark and heavy — 4x and 5x shirts, and 48-inch waist jeans. But no matter where I looked, I couldn’t find anything that would fit me. The largest size I could get was XL. I couldn’t even find shoes.

What did I do? I didn’t go on a diet, but the Philippines forced me to eat differently, and walk more, and sweat. In a very short time, I dropped to 200 lbs. and stayed that way for a few years.

Over the past few years, I’ve been gaining it back. I gained it back because of my psych meds and because I like to eat. One of the few things in life that give me comfort is food. I know if I am anxious, I can eat something and feel better.

I don’t eat a lot of fast foods, but I’ve gotten in the habit of eating a huge mound of rice with every meal. Everything is better with rice, and it was one of my favorite parts of the meal.

I also like Coke. It got to the point where I was drinking a liter or two a day.

If I am out and about, I will grab a Coke and a Snickers. It wasn’t gluttony, but a lot of small things that added up.

The other day I weighed myself and realized I’ve gained over 40 pounds in the past year. When I saw the arrow on 285, I couldn’t believe it, but I should have because others are noticing. Everyone is saying that I look as heavy as I was when I arrived in country.

I’ve noticed a lot more cramps in my legs and back pain. I can’t walk much before the muscles in my legs cramp up and give out. I just feel extremely bloated and uncomfortable, and I don’t like it when I walk down the street and can hear the neighborhood kids saying, “baboy, baboy, baboy,” which, around here, means pig.

Kids are shitheads.

I don’t like the way I feel, and I hate the way I look. I don’t mind being big, but I look like an absolute fatty next to my petite wife. None of my clothes fit, and I almost stop breathing going into contortions trying to scrub my ass in the shower.

I don’t like this and it’s time to change.

Before the pandemic, I got a checkup with blood tests and all the workups. I was healthy except for my blood pressure and borderline high blood sugar with could lead to diabetes. I told the doctor I would watch my sugar intake, but I haven’t.

It’s time to get into shape.

I’ve never had much luck with diets. The time I lost all that weight I just cut back on food intake and walked a lot. Well, I smoked too, but there is no way I will start that again, even if I could lose a few pounds.

I can’t think about cutting my psych meds, because my mental health has not been great, and changing anything right now may put me over the edge. Whatever I do, the pills are going to be working against me, so I better step up my game.

I walk often, but my legs have been bad lately. They get numb if I stand for too long and the muscles in my ankles cramp up and give out if I walk too far. I was starting to think I had neuropathy or late-onset MS (it runs in the family), but dammit, I think it’s only because I weigh so much.

It’s not just a matter of wanting to look better, I can’t even walk normally anymore and If I keep gaining weight as I get older, how long will it be before I can’t walk at all?

I’m still a young beast (almost 53), with a young family, and I can’t afford to have my body start to shut down if there is something I can do about it.

And there is: I can lose weight.

I’ve done keto, and all the other diets over the years and the only thing that consistently works for me is fasting. I love the way my body feels after a day of not eating. I once went a week without eating and felt great. Frankly, the only reason I did eat was because everyone thought I was killing myself.

How is it 2021 and people still don’t understand the benefits of fasting?

Yesterday I started my first fast, and I wanted to go 5 days, but I only went 26 hours. I got tired of my wife nagging that I was starving myself.

I ate a little something and now I am sitting here writing, bloated as hell. I just ate some bread, a little meat, some veggies, and some juice, but I feel like I stuffed myself with 10 courses.

But I know that it takes the digestive system a while to get acclimated to not eating so much, so I will get through this and hope it gets better in the next few hours.

Now, at 2 AM, I am back in the fasting phase. Usually, the only thing besides coffee and water I ingest is some chia seeds to clean myself out. Hopefully, my body normalizes soon because I hate feeling like I am full of air.

I am going to try 18 hours on fast/6 eating. My eating window will be late because I work all night and that is when my body is most active.

I’ve cut out rice and soda, and I am going to cut back on sugar and carbs during my eating window.

I will walk as much as I can, and try to get a bicycle very soon, as that might be easier on my ankles.

I am on the road; I just need to stay in the race, and I know the pounds will come off.

285 lbs. is too much, even for a beast like me.

Introverted essayist and creator- I am doing it my way and it might take a bit longer. Don't wait up! https://jasonjamesweiland.com

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