Member-only story
How To Poop in the Philippines
Trust me, I made every mistake in the book
A few days after arriving in the Philippines, I woke to get ready for church. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable in my stomach like I had to do a poop, but I thought I would be okay because I was still a bit constipated from the 22-hour flight a few days before.
I got dressed and we boarded the bus to our congregation some 30 Km away. Funny story: the bus drivers don’t wait for you to be seated before speeding off down the road. I was a 360-pound, off-balance hand grenade bouncing down the aisle and taking several passengers with me. The look of terror on one of the faces of the locals I grabbed on my way down I will never forget. It must have been frightening to have a white man that huge barreling towards you down the aisle of the bus.
After getting up and wiping myself off and salvaging whatever was left of my dignity, I sat next to my giggling fiancee who I noticed made it to her seat with no trouble. After my face turned to a normal color, I noticed all the jostling around had dislodged something in my colon, and the need to find a bathroom increased. But we are on a hot, sticky bus headed for a town far away and there was nothing I could do.
I loosened my tie and belt and sweated profusely for the next 25 Km of stop-and-go traffic.
