Even though I’ve recovered some, my illness is too unpredictable. This causes several problems. I worry about the paranoia because, in my last real job, there were voices telling me my boss was going to put a bomb in my car. Yeah, it gets that bad.

My illness is a rollercoaster of emotion, and I often experience episodes of psychosis where all I can do is lay in a cold, dark, quiet room and cry. I haven’t had an episode since my son was born 4 months ago, but I don’t trust the calm.

My life involves a lot of me trying to protect both the people I love and myself. I am my own worst enemy. I haven’t been able to get a job, much less keep one.

I am improving and I hope one day I can make enough writing that I won’t have to collect SSDI. Medium seems to be the only full-time thing I’ve been able to keep doing, but only because it’s so flexible.

Anyway, sorry, you did ask my friend, John!

Writer | Essayist | Video Content Creator | Future member of the two-comma club | Dreamer - I am doing it my way and it might take a bit longer. Don't wait up.

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