Do You Matter to Other People?

Should we stop caring so much about the people who have treated us badly and took advantage of our good nature?

If you knew me in real life, you would know I am a notorious people-pleaser. I base everything I do or say on what others want from me. I rarely care about my own needs because it’s more important to me that I make other people happy. I have the notion in my head that everyone else is more important than me.

Sometimes:

  • People abuse my good nature.
  • I rarely ask for things because other people’s wants are more important than my needs.
  • I let people have whatever they want, so don’t have to deal with confrontation.
  • I let people think they are smarter than me or think they know better than I do.
  • I feel like I don’t matter.
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You may think I’m speaking only of my family when I say these things, but you would be wrong. Sure, my family does things I don’t like, but I’m certain they love me and never intend to wipe their feet all over me.

I instead direct my anger at others in my life.

  • Teachers bullied me because I was an emotional boy.
  • Someone I trusted stole my innocence.
  • People devalued me because I didn’t have a good education.
  • Everyone I worked for treated me like crap because I had to accept any job I could get.
  • Doctors treated me as less than human because I’m mentally ill.
  • People prey on me because they think I’m weak.
  • Some people think I’m lazy because I can no longer work a regular job — even if I’ve busted my butt for my entire life.
  • I asked for help and people who claimed to care ignored my pleas and did what they wanted instead.
  • I didn’t follow the dreams of my youth.

I wish I could forget it all and move on, but late at night when sleep won’t take me away, these things fester and boil inside my head. As much as I feel like a healthier person today, I can’t help but care that people have been awful to me my whole life.

I hate that I sound like a whiny little privileged asshole for saying anything about this.

But, I don’t think I’m alone in this. Everyone gets treated like crap. The reason people are so negative is they can’t let go of the horrible events in their pasts.

The sad thing is — more and more, people who have suffered terrible things are being nasty to others who they may think are weaker. They are taking the fact that they had a bad life and using it as an excuse to be an asshole themselves.

They are excusing their own bad behavior, and good people are in anguish because of it.

I could have let the evil people in my life make me a horrible person — for a while, I did. But I saw I would never be happy if I took my pain out on others. I would never feel fulfilled if I was trying to base my satisfaction on how much I could hurt someone else.

Most people never realize that.

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I need to stop treating myself like an afterthought. I should pay attention to my needs and wants — but not so much that I become selfish. I should spoil my wife and children, and expect that they will respect me enough to know that I’m not going to be a doormat any longer.

I shouldn’t let people take advantage of me. I know I don’t like confrontation, but if someone does things I don’t like, I should tell them. If they don’t listen to me, I should cut them out of my life. If people try to take advantage of my good nature, I should cut them loose as well.

I need to stop caring so much what others think of me.

When people only think about themselves, I need to leave their lives. If everything is about them and what they want, I don’t need to be nice to them.

I need to stop caring so much what others think of me and start fulfilling my needs.

If something or someone doesn’t make me smile, I will Kondo it! I will embrace minimalism more, and if something is too big of a drag on my life, I will get rid of it.

I just don’t care anymore.

Not caring about the things that don’t matter will give me more room to focus on the things that do. I’m a much happier person when I have fewer worries.

But, just because I decide not to care doesn’t give me the right to treat others as an afterthought.

There’s no justification for being an asshole!

I will be kind and treat people with respect, dignity, and compassion. I will stop hanging on to the bad things of the past and stop letting people wipe their feet on me. I will only embrace things that make me happy and fulfilled.

I will develop the habit of not caring so much about everything!

Do you care what others think? Do you overthink about how others feel about you? Do you change your actions based on other people’s opinions? Do you change your words and actions for fear of backlash from sensitive people? Do you feel like you don’t matter?

Do you ever wish you could say “I just don’t care!” and mean it?

Maybe it’s time to make some changes.

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Writer | Essayist | Video Content Creator | Future member of the two-comma club | Dreamer - I am doing it my way and it might take a bit longer. Don't wait up.

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