I scrolled through my newsfeed longer than I should have because I just didn’t care. I lingered on YouTube watching ghost videos because the alternative was getting to work and writing. I tried brainstorming ideas that people might like to read, but it felt so futile.

What’s wrong with me?

Medium has turned into a waste of time for me. Ever since the last algorithm change and the sweeping changes made to the platform, my earnings have been in a freefall. …

I guess I wasn’t in a good place anyway. The last week has been difficult. Depression was my erstwhile companion, and every time I started to feel better, it snuck up and bopped me on the head like I’m a damn field mouse.

I can’t seem to silence the voices in my head either, and they’ve been having a field day telling me all the ways I’m a failure as a father, husband, writer, provider, and human being.

You can imagine my anxiety level from dealing with all this.

I couldn’t manage to pull any words from the mess in…

On September 11, 2001, I woke early because I had to make the long commute from my home in Petersham to the new office just outside of Boston. Depending on the traffic and weather, it could take three hours to travel the 70+ miles one-way.

I always made sure I left early.

I knew if I arrived at the office quickly, I could always get coffee, sit at my desk, and read the email from my endless inbox. …

I work overnight, from midnight to 7 am, more or less. When I used to sleep at night, frequently, I would lounge in bed, listening to the first morning showers of the season, enjoying the darkness and the brush of cold air from the air conditioner.

Now, I only know it’s morning when I get up from my desk for a pee break and see the light trickling in through the curtains. There is no lying in bed under the covers in the dark, relishing the softness as my brain tries to come to terms with being awake.

After a…

I don’t have a 9-to-5 job as many do. Even before the pandemic, I worked for myself to figure out what people wanted to read and consume on the internet. I don’t have a regular job because I am mentally ill, and even though I’ve seen improvement in the past couple of years, I still have a long way to go to function in a typical workplace outside my home.

In 2018, I felt I couldn’t manage to deal with freelance ghostwriting’s stress and deadlines. I had been hoping that freelancing would help me generate enough money to rid myself…

Ten years ago, I set out on an international journey to find myself in a world that no longer made sense. I lost everything that I had spent years taking for granted, and I needed a new perspective to sort out the crushing feelings inside me.

After traveling halfway around the world, I found safety in a little house in Iloilo City, Philippines, during the pandemic, where I spent my days writing and spending time with my new family.

But I always miss Tucson.

Two of my grown boys and their families still live and work in Tucson, and my…

I’m getting better all the time, but it’s hard to get over my lifetime indoctrination of being in the asshole club of America.

I’ve been driving since I was 15 and I pride myself in being a great driver. I know the traffic laws and I follow them as best I can, and I have no patience for people who break them.

But, driving in the Philippines - or any foreign country - is a different experience and one I have been getting better at.

It helps to have great reflexes and awareness of everything going on around you because…

I enjoy writing about writing, but I don’t do it because I know it all, I do it because I like to complain and ruminate about the pain and discomfort of the writing process with others who feel the same.

Sometimes I brag and celebrate the high points of a writing career with the same group of people. Somewhere between the highs and lows is the answer to the question of how to be a great writer.

Sometimes we find the answers together.

I went through a writing dry spell a few years ago, where it felt like my creative…